Dear DadBodDom: What are the ABC’s of CBT?

Josh Ortiz of XR Brands, through his “Dear DadBodDom” SE column, offers guidance to an Ohio retailer on the fundamentals of chastity devices and cock-and-ball torture.

(Note: This story by Josh Ortiz appears in the October issue of SE Magazine.)

Q: Dear DadBodDom, I’d like to think I’ve learned a lot in my year in retail, but I feel like I still have a long way to go as a vulva owner, that is. I’ve learned a little more on the ‘vanilla’ side of things, but I’m struggling to understand and then explain things like chastity and cock/ball torture. I see all kinds of chastity devices; some don’t look as horrible, but others? They scare me. I don’t want that fear or confusion to show on my face when I’m trying to talk to and affirm my penis-owning customers. — Confused in Columbus

A: Hi, Confused! Listen here, now, chastity and cock/ball torture aren’t necessarily things that get talked about when (or even if) we get the birds and the bees talk, so not knowing much about it is the case for the majority of people, not the minority.

There are many CBT devices on the market. If you’re wondering why there are so many, and what makes each one different, you’re not alone. It’s not just about how they work, it’s about who they’re for and what they do, beyond the physical. As a professional dominant with over a decade of experience, I specialize in this exact arena. And let me tell you: once you understand the “why” and the “who,” the “what” starts to make a lot more sense.

Let’s start with chastity cages. Think of them as the sexy little secret under your clothes — except instead of lingerie, it’s a locked device designed to suppress and control arousal. When properly fitted, a chastity cage becomes a source of constant tension. It’s anticipation you can feel. And that anticipation builds pressure—literally.

With silicone or TPE devices, that pressure may feel like mild discomfort. With metal cages — especially those featuring curved, hollow-sounding rods meant to keep the penis pointing downward — it can escalate to sharp pain during arousal. The goal isn’t just denial. It’s control, on the most primal level.

Penis owners get spontaneous erections around 30 times a day (depending on their age), often without conscious thought. In chastity, every one of those involuntary responses becomes a moment of challenge and submission. Whether it’s a thought, a memory, or the brush of fabric, the body reacts. And the cage makes sure that reaction is not only felt, but deeply remembered.

This is more than physical restraint — it’s mental dominance. You’re not just controlling what someone does, you’re controlling their subconscious responses, too. Their desire. Their discomfort. Their release.

Chastity taps into something deep for cisgender heterosexual men. In our culture, masculinity — erections, virility, procreation — is often tangled up in the testicles. You know it’s true: from casual adjustments to full-on displays of bravado, the “package” is more than anatomy. It’s identity. Taking that away, even temporarily, isn’t just kinky, it’s transformational.

This is why so many clients who wear chastity devices are people in positions of power: cops, doctors, politicians, pastors, who are often married, straight men. These are individuals used to control and influence, and they seek the exact opposite behind closed doors. Submission. Humility. The release of giving up control.

They might come off as arrogant at first. Embarrassed. Defensive. But give it half an hour and a wooden Humbler bar, and that same man is on his knees, squealing through a pig tail butt plug, living out the freedom of surrender.

If you’re helping someone explore chastity or CBT for the first time, start simple:

Chastity: Recommend a silicone cage for comfort and flexibility. Have them dust the device and their genitals with cornstarch to reduce sweat and friction. Once they’re ready, they can progress to ABS plastic and then metal cages, each step offering more restriction and intensity.

CBT: For beginners, try stacking rings for gentle ball stretching or small weights. As tolerance builds, move up to devices like the Humbler Bar, which restricts movement, or ball crushers and heavier restraints for more intense play.

The rule is always: start slow, build gradually, and prioritize safety.

Josh is a Sex Educator and Brand Ambassador in the pleasure product industry. If you have a question you’d like to see featured in Dear DadBodDom, please email thedadboddom@gmail.com and you may see yours answered next!