From psychology major to general manager — while also spending time as a dominatrix — Alex Decker has brought a wealth of tools and experience to Fantasy Gifts’ three locations in New Jersey.
(NOTE: This story appears in the December 2024 issue of SE Magazine.)
While earning her undergraduate psychology degree, Fantasy Gifts NJ GM Alex Decker worked as an online dominatrix, drawing influence from the BDSM community. After joining Fantasy Gifts in New Jersey (Marlton, Turnersville, Lumberton) as a sales clerk, she quickly became general manager of the three-store chain in just seven months. SE Legal Correspondent Larry Kaplan spoke with Decker about her rapid ascent, managing three stores, and the fulfillment she finds in helping customers.
SE: Seven months after getting hired, you were already promoted to general manager of the three-store Fantasy Gifts NJ chain. That’s a pretty rapid rise. What do you attribute that to?
Decker: I care deeply about sexual health and wellness and about people doing things the right way. And I’m a hard worker; I like to get things done. I’m very organized; once I get into something and care about it, I put everything I can into it.
SE: You have a bachelor’s in psychology, and you’re pursuing your master’s in human sexuality. With your background, did you decide to pursue the human sexuality major after your online dominatrix experience and after working at Fantasy Gifts NJ, or was this always part of your plan?
Decker: I planned to get my master’s in psychology and just be a therapist. But then, after my experience in the dominatrix world and working here, I decided going into sex education would just be a better plan for me. I feel like I’m more passionate about it than I am about counseling.
SE: What are some specific challenges you face with operating three stores?
Decker: Obviously, three stores is a lot for one person, but I think the specific challenges are making sure that everybody on our team is on the same page as far as education and getting our message across to our customers as a sexual health wellness brand, rather than a “dirty sex shop.”
SE: What does a typical workweek look like for you?
Decker: I start with restocking the stores, placing orders, making sure everybody’s on the schedule; everybody’s got everything in a row, checking all my employees. I like interacting with my employees face-to-face because that’s the best way. Sure, I want to get the point, and because we focus on education, I just believe in respecting my employees and giving them everything they need to succeed. And I spent a lot of time with my employees doing that kind of thing, like the day-to-day operations of restocking and scheduling and ordering. That’s just pretty standard stuff. And then we work on community events. We do drag shows, we do sip-and-shops, we do sexual wellness seminars; we just had one for sex and cancer. We’re also working on some seminars with the New Jersey Trans Equality Coalition.
SE: How many employees do you oversee?
Decker: We have roughly 15. Some people float and come back occasionally, but it’s about 15.
SE: What do you look for when hiring new staff?
Decker: I look for them to have a positive attitude, to make sure they’re comfortable saying the proper terms for penis, vagina, vulva; making sure they’re at ease with that sort of thing. Someone who has a more open-minded and progressive mindset, and ultimately, someone I’m confident will make our customers comfortable.
SE: Tell us about your staff training program.
Decker: Our staff is required to do product training and sexual health wellness training; they have to complete a small module every single shift that they work. And Brianna sends them through a more thorough, like a Sex 101 kind of training during the week. They have to do monthly training as well. We also do trainings with vendors on specific products to make sure they know what they’re selling, how to sell it, and to ensure that the customer is getting what they need and not just something because we want to sell it to them.
SE: I noticed Fantasy Gifts is an all-female-run company. How has this helped you to achieve success?
Decker: A lot of our customers are women and couples. We don’t cater to the creepy man in that trench coat. And I feel like building that community with women and couples and queer people is more helpful in sales. Because if people trust you, they will want to come back.
SE: I think women are often seen as more trustworthy in sales.
Decker: Yeah, and women want to talk to other women. Sexual wellness with women has been very taboo for a long time, and having a store like this works towards making it more comfortable and more open for women to talk about those issues.
SE: I’ve talked to store people who’ve mentioned seeing that a man came in to shop, and his wife or partner was in the car, and they went out and kind of coaxed them to come in, and they were glad that they did. I think men shopping for a partner was pretty common a while ago.
Decker: Yes, we often have men who come in to shop for their wives or partners and then return the next day, saying they got the wrong thing. It was likely because they didn’t weigh in on her opinion or bring her in. It’s usually just better for couples to shop together.
SE: Tell me how inflation has affected your stores. Have you raised prices? And if so, by how much? We’ve heard that lube has gone up; what about toys and soft goods?
Decker: Inflation has affected our business just like everybody else. The prices we pay to get things have gone up, so we have to raise our prices to match that in order to still profit and run a business. It might not seem like a lot when something goes up a couple of dollars, but it takes a toll over time. I’ve been focused on stocking toys that we can sell for under $50 so people can afford to buy things they need. Inflation is affecting everybody right now. Needless to say, it’s easier to access something if it’s within your budget.
SE: What do you feel are the keys to profitability going into 2025, especially with online retail eating into brick-and-mortar sales?
Decker: When shopping online, you’re shopping by yourself. You don’t have that expert next to you recommending something that you should get to help the issue that you’re having. I’ve heard a lot of people come in with prostate issues or after pregnancy or after cancer, and they just can’t get those answers when they’re shopping on Amazon or another website. So, I feel that in-person education is beneficial in battling online sales.
SE: What’s the best part of your job, and what’s most challenging?
Decker: The worst part of my job is when people don’t understand that you can’t return a sex toy. We have signs everywhere, but they still don’t get it. And I’m the person that they have to talk to when they don’t get a refund — and get angry.
The best part of my job is when I get out on the floor, I can talk to people, connect with them, and help them with their issues. They’re very appreciative. Knowing I’m making even a slight difference in someone’s life is nice.
Larry Kaplan has been the Legal Correspondent for ED Publications for 24 years. Mr. Kaplan is a broker in the sale and purchase of adult retail stores and adult nightclubs and the Executive Director of the ACE of Michigan adult nightclub state trade association. Contact Larry Kaplan at 313-815-3311 or email larry@kaplanstoresales.com.
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