Josh Ortiz of XR Brands, via his “Dear DadBodDom” SE column, answers retailers’ most pressing questions. In this issue, a retailer wants to know what can be said to men who are afraid to discuss prostate pleasure.

(Note: This story appears in the December 2023 issue of SE Magazine

Dear Dad Bod Dom: I have no idea how to talk to our male customers about prostate play. Cis-het men act offended, nervous or straight-up terrified when I bring up prostate milkers or anal play. How can I word things in a way to make anal and prostate stimulation more accessible and attractive to outside of the LGBTQ+ demographic? – Perplexed in Portland

A: Howdy, my Prostate-Perplexed Partner! I love questions like these, because I believe a LOT of our retail, distribution and manufacturing partners could always stand a refresher on the what, where, why and how of prostate stimulation!

So, like, what even is prostate stimulation or milking or thumping even good for? Does it really have both pleasure and health benefits? Does it make you gay if you like it?

The prostate is a super-spongy, walnut-sized, horseshoe-shaped organ, accessed fairly exclusively through the rear, that is positioned around the urethra. Its main purpose is to produce prostatic fluid. Prostatic fluid is basically a physiological coat of armor for the sperm within the ejaculate when it exits the body through orgasm. The sperm cells (kiddos) live in the testicles, along with seminal fluid (the ride to the bus stop) and join with prostatic fluid (the bus) at the point of pick up and take off, ya dig? On average, upwards of 30% prostatic fluid makes up the total ejaculate, and it is what makes cum bitter. So, the more bitter the ejaculate, the more prostatic the orgasm.

When we are referencing things like prostate milking, I’d like you to think of it in the way we think of our dish sponges. By milking or otherwise applying pressure to the prostate, we are allowing it to expel the fluid it has built up and stored. The thumping and thrusting and Congo cornhole drums are all personal preference-based. It just has to be something in the back door applying pressure to the prostate.

The prostate is also a pleasure organ. It’s fantastic watching cis-het men flop like fish out of water the first time they experience a true prostatic orgasm. Does it make them gay? If it’s me behind you, and my chest hair pressed into your back, and you are erect? Yeah, you may be a little bit gay. Under any other imaginable circumstance? No. Solo masturbation with something in your butt does not make you any more or less gay than stroking your own penis. If your partner identifies as the gender opposite of the gender you identify as, and slips the ol’ pinky in ya bum and you enjoy it? Guess what? You’re not gay. It’s no different than enjoying any other form of erogenous touch.

“The prostate is also a pleasure organ. It’s fantastic watching cis-het men flop like fish out of water the first time they experience a true prostatic orgasm.”


– Ortiz

If it can literally provide you a mind-blowing orgasm and has immense, and possibly life-saving health benefits, why would you avoid it? I mean, aside from societal stigma, of course. So let’s talk about the benefits!

If you happen to be in possession of a prostate and maybe don’t masturbate, have sexual contact or finish often — whatever it may be, that prostatic fluid is still being produced and stored within the prostate. The only way it comes out of the body is through ejaculation, and if you can have a larger amount of ejaculate, shoot further and have a stronger orgasm by applying a little pressure? Do it! There are mental and other physical health benefits of orgasms, so don’t neglect YOU time!

But what happens if you fall into the beginning of that former paragraph? The prostatic fluid, over time and age, hardens. It calcifies and causes that horseshoe sponge that wraps around the urethra to solidify. Fast-forward 50 or 60 years; is your customer dealing with maybe a stop-and-go pee situation? Do they sometimes have issues staying hard when they truly are aroused? #ProstateProbs

The way to ensure that they are preserving not only their sexual longevity, but their physical and mental health, is to stick a lil’ something up the ol’ chimney. Reassure them in their masculinity and sexuality, help them pick a quality hybrid or thick water-based lubricant for their first time; they may not want the tell-tale oil slick permanent sheet stains that silicone lubricant is known for. Lead them to something small, but effective. Normalize all aspects of sexual health, wellness and pleasure. – TDBD

**If you have a question you’d like to see featured in Dear DadBodDom, please send them via email to and you may see yours answered next!**

Josh Ortiz is a Sex Educator & Brand Ambassador in the pleasure product industry.