The sex toy industry targets many markets, and there’s an aid to pleasure for every body. For the over-50 crowd, lightweight, ergonomic and easy to operate toys enhance pleasure at a time in life that it can be a bit more challenging in bed.
When the sex you’ve always enjoyed isn’t necessarily accessible or satisfying after 50, you just have to expand your options, explains certified sex therapist Sandi Kaufman.
According to AARP, the American Association of Retired Persons, a new AARP survey of older adults’ sex lives found that less than half were satisfied with their present experiences, especially compared to their previous performances. The primary obstacles older adults report for lower sexual satisfaction, according to the survey, include “declining health, stress and life-stage changes.”
“We’re talking about older adults with erectile unpredictability, dry vaginas that can make sex uncomfortable, knee replacements, back issues, arthritis,” says Kaufman. “What I’m talking about is trying to get people to think more openly about what sex looks like as they encounter aging bodies.”
Let yourself live
Marilyn Jerome, M.D., a gynecologist whose practice involves older women primarily, says that one of the biggest hurdles in improving the sex lives of the elderly with the introduction of sex toys is working through their willingness to allow themselves to use them.
According to AARP, “Jerome recalls being ‘thrilled’ when a single woman in her 80s felt comfortable talking to her about how she still felt sexual but had been taught masturbation is wrong. She advised her patient to get a vibrator.”
In Jerome’s lobby, she keeps a display case of eight curated medical-grade silicone rechargeable vibrators that are unassuming and easy to operate. She also stocks dilators that, paired with a compatible lubricant, stretch the vagina while relaxing the vaginal muscles to help it prepare for comfortable penetrative sex.
“My thought was that if I carry these in my office, I am giving patients permission to use them, telling patients this is normal,” explains Jerome.
Actually, the practice is more “normal” than many people who are taught that toys are taboo are willing to admit. The AARP survey found that one in three older adults use a vibrator for personal pleasure or increased pleasure with a partner.
That there are toys available for any kind of relationship or lack thereof is especially pertinent for an age demographic full of life changes. Later in life, many people are widowed, divorced, separated or single for other reasons.
As Kaufman says: “Older women, especially, are used to following a particular sex script. They now want to expand their sexual experience with a new partner or alone.”
For those who do have a partner, suggesting the introduction of sex toys as an option can be tricky. Kaufman shares that some clients believe it’s “wrong” to utilize them. Others express fears that they’ll become “addicted” to the toys or that their partner will experience the suggestion of enhancement as a suggestion of their inadequacy. Kaufman declares that the introduction should be made simple.
One approach she recommends for older women or people with vaginas in bringing up sex toys with their partner is to say something like: “I’ve gone through menopause. Orgasms are taking me longer. How do we accommodate that? We’re aging and we need to think differently about things. It’s not about you. It’s about my body and what I need.”
Finding the right toys for your needs
Wands with varying strength and pattern settings for clitoral stimulation and/or penetration, as well as palm-held designed vibrators for external use on the vulva are Kaufman’s top recommendations in beginner toys for women of all ages, but especially the older population.
Other toys she recommends trying are: “dildos in various sizes; suction devices that vibrate the clitoris while also massaging the G-spot; and a toy, designed like a tongue that simulates the experience of receiving oral sex,” adding that many toys come with remote controls for easier use, and are also functional for partnered sex.
For men, Kaufman recommends toys that stimulate and massage the prostate, heightening orgasms. She adds that these toys also assist in toning the pelvic floor muscles for more pleasure in the future.
Additionally, according to AARP, “vibrating sleeves placed around the penis can be set to a wide range of vibrations, intensities and rhythms, depending on what pleasures the man wants most. There are also beads that are inserted in the anus that can heighten orgasm. Also available: masturbation sleeves that mimic intercourse and C rings designed to support and strengthen erections.”
The bottom line is that sex toys can be a helpful part of maintaining a healthy sex life for people of all age groups. Sexual health is related to overall health, and pleasure is available for everybody.
“Toys can make that happen,” says Kaufman.
Read the original AARP story here.
View the AARP survey about sex for the elderly here.
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