It’s the 21st century, and sex toys are constantly advancing. As the technology improves, so, too, do the options for pleasure. As cultural stigma shifts towards a more sex toy-positive world, more innovative adult toy companies have the freedom and the resources to explore all kinds of pleasure products. From kinky to “vanilla,” vaginal to anal, and all across the LGBTQ+ spectrum, there’s something for almost every body; however, one key demographic is often excluded from this list: people with disabilities.
As Christina Crosby puts it starkly in her memoir, A Body: Undone, “I don’t have a gender. I have a wheelchair.”
“Accessibility” is a very broad word. As Well + Good puts it, “Someone with a visual impairment may struggle with devices that rely on intricate details and small buttons, whereas someone with a limited range of motion, like arthritis, may need a hands-free option or something with a more ergonomic design. Meanwhile, those with communication disabilities may have a hard time conveying their needs or adjusting the overall settings.
“People in a wheelchair are more likely to need toys that can be mounted or have flexibility options that maneuver easily; those with PTSD can opt for more gentle vibrations and adjustable settings for a potentially less triggering, gentler experience; likewise, individuals without grip strength may need a hands-free or app-controlled device.”
As of yet, there is no yellow paved road towards finding the right sex aid for an individual’s accessibility needs; and with the increased number of options on the market, there are a lot of settings to sift through in seeking that perfect fit. But pleasure should be (and is!) available to people with disabilities. They just need to know where and how to look. In most situations, adding sex toys can make sex both more pleasurable and significantly easier.
According to Well + Good, “Whether someone has a neurological or mobility disability, sex toys can fill a gap that pleasure without toys can’t fill. Toys often offer an enhanced level of stimulation (particularly through vibration or suction) that can be difficult to achieve on one’s own, providing people with autonomy over their bodies to experience satisfaction in ways that may be challenging without them.”
But the perfect fit for you or your partner’s needs depends on what accessibility means to that specific body.
Grayson Schultz, a Sex Educator with an accessibility focus, and Founder of Chronic Sex, shares, “Often, people don’t think about accessibility the right way. It’s not about one thing being accessible. For example, what’s accessible for someone who uses a wheelchair may be different than someone who has PTSD, another person who doesn’t have grip strength, and still someone else who is blind.”
In other words, just because a toy is labeled “accessible” does not mean it will be inclusive to everyone’s needs. The word itself is legally just as accurate a descriptor as “natural.”
“Sometimes, the accessibility needs anyone has can even cause an accessibility issue for someone else,” Schultz continues. “For example, if someone is blind, maybe having a toy with bumps on the control buttons will make it more accessible. But those bumps might set off a flare-up if you have certain chronic pain conditions. So, there’s no one-way accessibility that exists or appears. It’s all about meeting someone where they’re at and making life as accessible as possible.”
Even vibrators, a foundational toy in the industry, aren’t a one-size-fits-all option for people with disabilities.
Schultz explains: “Some disabilities might mean a person doesn’t feel sensation as intensely as another. In their case, a sex toy with a bigger vibration might help them access sex more easily. For another person with sensory processing disorder, any vibration could mean that toy is unusable” — meaning that a toy with extreme sensations and patterns could be too overwhelming to use for a person with high sensitivity.
To find the toy which will fulfill your accessibility, and sexual, needs exactly, Carol Queen, Ph.D., an in-house Sexologist at Good Vibes, says that, “The best way to work through finding what you need is thinking about what kind of sexual experiences you’d like to explore that a toy might facilitate. Different toys do different things, so thinking about what you want to experience and what you want assistance with can help.”
After narrowing down the desired experience — and the type of toy designed to facilitate that experience — the next most important step is to determine that the toy of interest is made of quality materials that are non-toxic and non-porous. Unfortunately, the medical-grade of sex toys is not as regulated as it should be for a product so intimate. In a recent StorErotica story, we discusses how the regulations for adult toys are significantly less stringent than those for children’s toys.
Schultz adds that, “The non-porous issue is incredibly important if you’re going to be using any toy internally or in a way that it will come into contact with bodily fluid or lube.”
Silicone is therefore the gold standard, as it’s both non-porous and easy to clean.
While this factor is true to people of all abilities, paying close attention to the ingredients list would be especially important for people with chemical sensitivities and/or compromised immune systems. Well + Good suggests that shoppers always ask an authorized official on the product — either a shop employee, a customer service representative or FAQ page to confirm that the ingredients are as needed.
Working with a disability-focused sex educator virtually is an accessible way for a person whose needs includes mobility to get the education that will direct them towards their human right to pleasure.
Well + Good continues: “Next, look into the toy’s controls, read the reviews, and analyze all the features. How tired and weary a toy makes you is something highly important to consider. Sex toys can easily cause fatigue from both the strength and motion of the device. Consider the weight of the object, how easily it can be turned off, and if it will allow you to take breaks as needed to lessen exhaustion.”
Companies like Good Vibes and Babeland rank vibes by power, which benefits people who need to know toy strengths, due to sensory conflicts.
And of course, when selecting the right toy for you, don’t forget about lube, which plays an important role in the use of sex toys, especially for people with disabilities.
“Lube can be a great addition to any sexual experience; however, users should make sure the lube they are choosing is compatible with the device materials,” says Megwyn White, Certified Sexologist and Director of Education for toy company Satisfyer. “If using a silicone-based lube, make sure to stay away from silicone devices; however, water-based lube is compatible with any device material.”
Well + Good adds that, for those whose disability includes chemical sensitives, opt for hypoallergenic options to avoid reactions. Also, consider how the lubricant is packaged: dispensers or easy squeeze bottles would likely better suit someone who requires fine motor skill accessibility.
To get you started, here is Well + Good’s vetted (but incomplete) list of expert-recommended sex toys for people with varying disabilities:
Best multi-use toy
Well + Good raves: “The Sola Sync is a wireless, 10-function rechargeable wand that is highly recommended by Schultz. A toy for both solo and partnered play, the Sola Sync comes with a remote to make controlling it easy. It also has a flexibility that Schultz says he has yet to encounter in other toys. The lightweight wand also has an extra-long handle to make it easier to hold and reach key erogenous zones. Schultz also enjoys this toy just as a massager, as it has a smaller head than others and can dig into knots a lot easier. For someone interested in an experience with high vibrations, this may not be the toy for you, as these vibration levels are not extreme.”
Best sensory toy
Well + Good raves: “This powerful wand is made to fit comfortably in your hand. Its 6-centimeter (about 2.4 inches) metal head claims to have 30 percent more vibration power than leading competitors (not too shabby!) and is charged via a built-in AC adapter with a cord length of 10 feet. With simple technology and easy-to-understand buttons, the accessibility of this wand, as Grayson says, is exceptional.
“The only downside: Schultz says the weight of this wand makes it potentially harder to hold for more extended periods. If that’s a challenge for you, you can separately purchase a position enhancer, aka a product designed to make it easier to control a sex toy. These devices can make it way easier to manage fatigue and support your body by adjusting you (or the toy) to a more comfortable position that would otherwise be unobtainable. Items such as Pole Mounts and Strap Holders can be lovely additions to help meet your needs.”
Best for vulva play
Best for penis play
Well + Good raves: ‘The Jett Guybrator is a bullet simulator designed to offer intense sensations under the tip of the penis. The flexible silicone sleeve can be slipped over a penis even if it’s not yet erect. Control vibration of the two unique bullets, which sit underneath the head of the penis, via plus and minus buttons on the remote control unit. The beauty of this toy is that it can eliminate the necessity for manual stimulation (like masturbation) entirely, providing increased accessibility for individuals who are challenged to reach certain areas of their body. Although not suited for penetrative play, a partner with a vulva could enjoy simultaneously tribbing the toy while in use.
“The toy is battery-operated, and its cord design (connected directly to the remote) may cause trouble for those with limited mobility. However, it’s noted to be very straightforward, with only a few buttons and simple controls, making it suitable for someone with limited dexterity or motor skills.”
Best hands-free toy
Well + Good raves: “The Satisfyer Love Triangle uses air-pulse technology to send deep vibrations to the head of a clitoris. Its smooth silicone head can be easily cleaned and is operated with two super strong power motors. (It also comes with a cap to keep it germ free.) This toy can be controlled manually through buttons on the side, or via the free Satisfyer Connect app on your phone. In the app, you can choose between predefined intensity combinations or make up your own—especially helpful for those with different sensitivity needs who might not vibe (literally) with the presets. Individuals facing mobility challenges can benefit from the hands-free technology, allowing for easy operation without the need for a firm grip on the device.”
Best supportive aid
Well + Good raves: “Although not a ‘sex toy’ per se, this cushiony pillow can make sex a lot easier and more fun. Used for elevation purposes or just extra support anywhere in the body, the Pillo is a great tool to have lying around the bedroom to enhance positions and lessen tension.”
Best for mobility issues
Well + Good raves: “The Pipedream Body Dock Lap Strap is a great strap-on harness for both partner and solo play. Its design includes a silicone suction dock for a dildo, and heavy-duty adjustable straps to keep your toy securely attached to your body. The harness can be strapped to pillows, cushions, body parts, or really anywhere your heart desires. For those with limited leg mobility, attaching the harness to the thigh enables a partner to sit on it, while individuals with arm fatigue can use the harness on a pillow, eliminating the need for arm involvement entirely. For an individual who may need more assistance with motor skills, this harness’s push-and-play mechanism eliminates the need for intricate rings or snaps. (Just note: You’ll have to buy a dildo separately.)”
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