Josh Ortiz of XR Brands, via his “Dear DadBodDom” SE column, answers retailers’ most pressing questions. In this issue, a retailer wants to know what can be said to men who are afraid to discuss prostate pleasure.


: Dear Dad Bod Dom, I am new to this industry, and I didn’t think I was “vanilla,” but I was sorely mistaken. I was hoping you’d be willing to explain chastity cages? I’m a vulva owner and have no idea how to explain these devices when someone asks a question. Can you break down chastity cages in a way the lay-est of laymen could grasp? – Defunct in Delaware

A: Let me start with saying you are NOT defunct. NOW onto the actual question. Sorry about getting all Dad on you, Sport. I just believe there is no stupid question — aside from the ones not asked.

There are a bazillion different chastity and CBT (cock/ball torture) devices on the market, and I feel that that’s where the vast majority of your confusion lies. Not so much in the how, but the why so many? What are the differences? Don’t they all do the same thing? I’ve been a Professional Dom for the better part of a dozen years, and I truly believe that once you understand the why and the who, you’ll understand every single chastity or CBT item you carry. 

I’d like you to think about the possibility of dropping that ass like it’s on fire when you get home from work. If you know you’re going to come home and drop that ass, you may take a little extra time getting ready — maybe putting on a little something sexy under your clothes that no one else can see? It allows anticipation to swell, among other things. If a chastity device is properly fitted and homeboy isn’t wearing jeggings, they are that sexy thing under the clothes that drive desire and primal anticipation. Keep track of that word, “primal.” It’s important in this subject’s context. When anticipation builds, so does the erection, causing, at the least, pressure and mild discomfort in a silicone or TPE cage — to red flag PAIN in, let’s say, a metal cage with a curved hollow sounding rod that’s meant to keep you bent downward for longer periods of time, even overnight!

If a vulva owner is wearing a sexy little something under their clothes and happens to catch themselves in a moment of daydreamy anticipation, the worst that happens is maybe a change of underoos, or a panty liner. If a penis owner is wearing their sexy little something which happens to be a whole ass chastity cage, they’ve got to go very quickly between daydreamy anticipation and like, nursing home porn mental still shots, to keep their penis flaccid in those moments where the bounce begins unexpectedly. It’s not just the build up of anticipation you’ve got to worry about — it’s the natural bounces and various stages of erect that occur, randomly, on average 30-35x daily for penis owners. In which case, I’m not only controlling the thoughts you’re actively having, I’m controlling the back burner of your brain. I’m controlling the foreground and the background. I’m controlling the physiological responses your body shows to stimuli, whether physical or mental, on top of the active thought processes. It’s a deeply primal level of control. 

The essence of cis-het men live in their balls. Their entire being —  their gender and sexual identity, their ability to get and maintain an erection, their ability to create a child — their manhood. So let’s imagine, for a moment, having THAT in someone else’s control. I don’t care who you are, how big you are or how tough you think you are, when you step into my dungeon and I affix a lock to that dick, I become your god while I have the key.

98 times out of 100, the people wearing these devices are straight, white, married men in positions of power. They are going to be arrogant, and I’m sorry. It’s the last burst of MAN before they get knocked down seventy-three pegs. Take comfort in knowing, no matter how jerky they are, in 30 minutes, they’ll most likely be on their knees in front of a Dom like me with a pig tail coming out of their ass squealing like their name is Wilbur. 

I recommend getting your customer a silicone chastity device to start. Have them powder their dick and the inside of the cage like a cutlet with cornstarch to help absorb sweat. Start slow and easy before bringing out the big guns. – TDBD

**If you have a question you’d like to see featured in Dear DadBodDom, please send them via email to and you may see yours answered next!**

Josh Ortiz is a Sex Educator & Brand Ambassador in the pleasure product industry.